The Phrases shared by A Parent That Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to communicate between men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a pause - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."