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I am hungry for insights from people on dealing with middle-aged struggles, for example existential reckonings, diminishing importance, growing a neck like a Salvador Dalí clock along with a recent enthusiasm for A Place in the Sun. Lately, I read the chef’s comments on turning 50 via a discussion: “Trimming unnecessary clutter is key to enjoying your later years,” he noted. “Just be with lovely people. I’m avoiding negative people – ‘mood hoovers’ – and getting better at saying no.”

Initially, I wondered: isn’t this contradictory regarding shunning downbeat folks and mastering refusal? Could that imply he needs to dodge his own tendencies? I know – it’s exactly the kind of thing a mood hoover would say, and that’s because I am one. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Refrain from using “downer” or “spoil-sport” – these comparisons to everyday gear are insulting; we possess sentiments (though often pessimistic). I’ll accept “downbeat cashmere throw”, at a pinch.

Maybe you belong to this group as well. Do you tend to be the event’s realist rather than its cheerleader? When you give an exhaustive answer to “How are you?”, does the other person slowly retreat? Do you greet “fun” activity suggestions with an expression that makes you look like you’ve swallowed a slug? Can you relate deeply to pessimistic characters; has an intuitive ever described your energy as dull?

If this describes you, you’re in our ranks, and that’s acceptable. Even as popular advice encourages cutting ties with “exhausting” pals, I believe we provide genuine benefits. I reckon a mood hoover would have said something discouraging – or at least made a slug-swallowing face – when Jamie described his plan to write a kids’ book with an Australian First Nation main character without consulting Indigenous communities, which could have prevented a whole lot of problems, upset and offence. That level of honest feedback is rare among “upbeat” individuals.